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Category Archives: Book Blitz

Book Blitz ~ AnguiSH by Lila Felix


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AnguiSH by Lila Felix

Published by: Clean Teen Publishing

Publication date: November 6th 2017

Genres: Contemporary, Romance, Young Adult

The help-wanted ad on the bulletin board at Ashland’s college was simple enough: mother seeks live-in maid for son. But it turns out Breaker James is a mess in more ways than one. He’s confined to a prison of his own making, crippled by his fear of people and any social interaction whatsoever. Every vibe he’s giving off is begging Ashland to stay away, yet she finds herself strangely drawn to him. Can she coax him out of his darkness and help him overcome the deep trauma of his past to reclaim a normal life?

A contemporary romance perfect for fans of Lauren Oliver’s Before I Fall and JoJo Moyes’ Me Before You, AnguiSH delves deep into complex human emotions and the struggle to move forward from devastating past events.

Goodreads | Amazon | Barnes & Noble | iBooks | Kobo

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~Excerpt~

She moved over on the bed, giving me room to get in next to her. I got in. “I’m afraid I’m… God, this is hard to admit.”

Her hand glided down my jaw. “Tell me.”

“I tried—I tried to go out the other day, just for a walk or something. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t make it past the damned threshold of the door.”

Her face was pure disappointment, and I knew mine mirrored it. Admitting it to her, I felt like a shadow of a man.

“But you tried, right? That has to count. I mean, you go out with me all the time.” Her voice faltered at the end of the sentence.

“I did try. But I couldn’t go through with it.”

She scooted closer to me and put one hand on my face while she buried her own in the hollow of my neck. “Can you just hold me and forget that there’s something we can’t do? I’d like to hang on to the notion that you can do anything—just for the night.”

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~Author Bio~

Lila Felix is full of antics and stories. She refused to go to Kindergarten after the teacher made her take a nap on the first day of school. She staged her first protest in middle school. She almost flunked out of her first semester at Pepperdine University because she was enthralled with their library and frequently was locked in. Now her husband and three children have to put up with her rebel nature in Louisiana where her days are filled with cypress trees, crawfish, and of course her books and writing. She writes about the ordinary people who fall extraordinarily in wild, true love.

Website / Goodreads / Facebook / Twitter

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~Giveaway~

Blitz-wide giveaway (INTL)

Clean Teen Publishing Mystery Box (Intl winner would get eBook prizes)
a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Book Blitz ~ Hot and Heavy by Tabatha Vargo


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Hot and Heavy by Tabatha Vargo

(Chubby Girl Chronicles, #2)

Publication date: November 3rd 2017

Sometimes a little heat is all it takes to lighten a heavy heart.

Shannon Daniels is afraid of men, but when Matthew Ellis literally falls into her lap, fear is the last thing she feels. For the first time in years, she desires a man and she plans on taking advantage of her new craving. Shannon hatches a plan to satisfy her sudden hunger, but dancing with the Devil will get you more than a one way trip to Hell and Shannon finds out quick that even the best-laid plans go awry.

Matt Ellis swears he will never get caught in the tangled web of a woman. After a devastating heartbreak, he’s determined to die a bachelor. When he meets Shannon, a chubby redhead with a firecracker personality, he decides to add her to his list of conquests. The good news is she’s okay with a hot and heavy fling. The bad news is, for the first time since he was a teenager, being caught doesn’t seem that unappealing.

Goodreads | Amazon | Amazon UK | B&N | iBooks | Kobo

IN HONOR OF THE RELEASE OF HOT & HEAVY

The Author has put On the Plus Side on sale for only $.99. Limited time.

Get your copy of On the Plus Side or read for FREE on Kindle Unlimited today!

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~Excerpt~

“Most men don’t like overweight women, Matthew.”

He snorted. “You’re not overweight. You’re fucking perfect.”

“I’m not. We both know I’m not, but thank you for saying it.”

“No,” he said, capturing my face in his hands and forcing me to look him in the eye. “Listen to me. I don’t give a fuck what anyone says; you’re perfect.”

He kissed the tip of my nose.

“Beautiful inside and out.”

He kissed my right cheek.

“Sexy as hell.”

He kissed my left cheek.

“And I’m so honored that you’re here with me right now because I’m no fool; I know you’re too good for me. What I’m doing with you is wrong, and I know that. You deserve so much better than me, but I can’t stay away from you.”

I kissed him, tasting all that he was. “Then don’t,” I whispered again his lips.

He kissed me hard, pulling a soft moan from the back of my throat. My body pressed into his, begging for him. Ready. So completely ready.

“You’re driving me crazy, Red.”

“No. You’re driving me crazy.”

He backed away, pulling me to a standing position. He reached for the hem of my dress and began lifting it.

“I know you hate them, but I only have one question.” His hand slid up the inside of my thigh before he dipped a finger in the top of my panty line and ran it across my lower stomach. “Will you let me lick all your curves?”

Biting my lip, I nodded.

He tugged my dress over my head, leaving me in nothing but my bra and panties. His eyes devoured my body as he smacked my hands away when I tried to cover myself. Slowly, he peeled my bra straps down and began undoing the back of my bra.

He leaned over, latching onto my nipple, and a wild moan escaped my lips. I had never felt anything so potent. Every time he sucked on my nipple, a tugging sensation pulled at my clit as if he was sucking there, as well.

While he worked my breasts, his fingers slipped into my panties, pushing them down my ass and over my thighs until they were loose enough to drop to my ankles. He tickled my hip, his fingers walking their way over my flesh until he was teasing my clit with the tip of his finger.

“Oh, my God. Matthew,” I breathed his name.

He captured my cheeks in his other hand, pinching slightly to get me to look him in the eye.

“I’m going to stick my fingers in first. I want to touch you inside.” He breathed. “This is your warning. Don’t freak out on me, okay?”

I nodded, ready to feel some form of penetration. My inner walls were clenching, pushing my juices out with the want to be filled.

His fingers moved down from my clit, sliding over my soaked folds until his middle finger was circling my opening. I thrust, not being able to wait any longer, and he chuckled, the deep vibrations of his laughter sending a wave of longing through me.

“Slow down, baby, I’m going to ease that ache soon enough.”

I melted. The way he was talking to me and touching me was driving me toward an orgasm.

His fingers swiped around my center once again, and I whined, needing to feel him before I burst. I was seconds away from begging when he pressed two fingers into me, bending his fingers deep.

I sighed in relief.

My knees went weak, and I leaned onto the countertop, hoping it would keep me from falling.

“Is this okay?” he asked, his blazing blue eyes lingering on my face.

“Yes. Please, Matthew,” I begged, needing more of everything he was giving me.

He pulled his fingers out a bit, my body naturally trying to suck them back in. Then he thrust once more, pulling them out and pushing them back in, in a rhythm that had my toes curling into the wood flooring beneath my feet. His thumb glided over my clit sending a jolt of sensation through me until I began to shiver.

“I love seeing you like this,” he breathed. “Look at you. You like having my fingers inside you, don’t you, Red?”

I nodded, wishing I could speak over the heavy breaths that pushed from my body.

“Say it, Shannon. Tell me you like it.”

He fucked me with his fingers faster, pushing me toward the brink and holding me over the edge.

“I-I-I do,” I stuttered. “I like it so much.”

~~~

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~Author Bio~

Tabatha is a New York Times & USA Today Bestselling author, best known for her sexy adult romance Little Black Book.

Tabatha writes from all genres, including adult and new adult, and isn’t afraid to venture into the dark side on occasion as she proved with her dark prison romance, Slammer.

She’s an avid reader of all things smutty and the writer of sexy stories featuring redeemable alpha bad boys and sweet, strong women.

Her other loves include her children, her loving, supportive husband, anything historical, and wind chimes.
When she isn’t writing, she’s texting book ideas to herself.

Tabatha is represented by Jane Dystel of Dystel & Goderich Literary Management.

Goodreads | Twitter | Facebook | Website

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Tabatha is hosting a Facebook party in her reader group on November 3rd!

JOIN HERE

Wit & Wonder Crazy House is hosting a release party on November 4th with a few of your favorite authors!

JOIN HERE

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Posted by on November 4, 2017 in Book Blitz

 

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Book Blitz ~ Mick & Michelle by Nina Rossing: Giveaway!


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Mick & Michelle by Nina Rossing

Published by: Harmony Ink Press

Publication date: October 31st 2017

Genres: Contemporary, LGBTQ+, Young Adult

Fifteen-year-old Mick Mullins has a great life: his parents are sweet, his sister is tolerable, and his friendships are solid. But as summer descends on Queens, he prepares to turn his carefree existence upside down by disclosing a secret he has kept long enough. It’s time to work up the courage to reveal that he is not a boy, but a girl—and that her name is Michelle. Having always been the perfect, good boy, Michelle is terrified that the complicated truth will disappoint, hurt, or push away the people closest to her. She can’t continue hiding for much longer, though, because her body is turning into that of a man’s, and she is desperate to stop the development—desperate enough to consider self-medicating with hormones.

Most of all, Michelle fears that Grandpa, who is in a nursing home after a near fatal stroke, won’t survive the shock if he finds out that his favorite grandchild, and the only boy, is a girl. If she kills her beloved Grandpa by leaving Mick behind, she isn’t sure embracing her real identity will be worth the loss.

Goodreads | Amazon | Barnes & Noble | iBooks | Kobo

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~Excerpt~

As we walk down the street next to each other, it strikes me that the nagging feeling I’ve been having lately is also down to him, because I look too much like my father. I’m the same height as him but skinnier. I adjust my walk so I don’t mirror his familiar swagger. I wish I didn’t have his hair, down to the identical whorl slightly to the right at the back of our heads. His hair is darker than mine, so dark auburn it looks black when wet, but thin and limp, always flyaway, so no good for keeping long. Buzz cut material, and that looks fine enough on him. My hair is quite short by convenience only. I would have liked to have my mother’s hair, which is thick and robust, a haystack in the mornings, and she uses a straightening iron to control it. If I tried that iron on my hair, I think it’d just melt away and disappear.

“How does summer feel so far?” Dad says and waves at Mrs. McAtee, who used to babysit him when he was little. I don’t think Dad has fond memories of her, because she never babysat me or Ash. No one outside the family was ever allowed to babysit us. “Any plans?” he adds after I fail to reply in the three seconds it takes him to grow impatient.

“Deliver papers and go busking,” I say. I was supposed to wait tables at Pepito’s Italian, but they went bust two weeks ago. I haven’t found anything else. The paper route job stopped last week, because I foolishly resigned when I got the gig with Pepito’s. As for busking… well, that’s more of a wild idea than a realistic plan.

“Busking? You only know three songs.”

“Five songs, and people move around, so they won’t catch on to my limited repertoire. Besides, I can always learn a couple more songs.”

“And what will you do if I, or your ma, come and catch you soliciting funds?”

“I can outrun you easily, Dad. The both of you. Rookie Ryan too.”

“Yeah, yeah. Smart-mouth. We have an alternative plan for you this summer. Busking is not a part of it. Tell you over dinner.”

“What? Why not right away? Are you finally paying for Wizarding Summer School now that I’ve grown out of it?”

“Wait and see.”

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~Author Bio~

Nina Rossing lives in Norway, where the winters are long and the summers short. Despite the brilliant nature surrounding her, she spends more time in front of her computer, or with a book in her hands, than in the great outdoors (though you may find her out on her mountain bike if the weather is good). She works as a high school teacher, which in her opinion is probably the best job in the world.

Website | Goodreads | FacebookTwitter

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~Giveaway~

Blitz-wide giveaway (INTL)

Signed copy of Mick & Michelle

3x ebook copies of Mick & Michelle

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Book Blitz ~ The Billionaire’s Ploy by Allie Burton: Excerpt + Giveaway!


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The Billionaire’s Ploy by Allie Burton

(Castle Ridge, #5)

Publication date: October 25th 2017

Genres: Adult, Contemporary, Romance

All’s fair in love and business.

Billionaire Jackson Croft refuses to let anything interfere with his merger and marriage plans. His merger. His brother’s marriage. When Emory Barrington returns to Castle Ridge and catches his younger brother’s attention, Jackson needs to take drastic steps to stop the flirtation. Even if it means using himself as bait.

As a child Emory was infatuated with the younger Croft brother, so when he invites her to a party she can’t resist. Until Jackson interrupts their dance, tries to bribe her, and then steals a kiss. A kiss that vibrates to her soul.

To make up for the attempted bribe, Jackson offers her a job decorating his Denver penthouse. She’s just starting her interior design firm and can’t turn the business away even if it means working closely with the billionaire. The project turnaround is fast and the attraction between Emory and Jackson grows faster. She believes she sees the real man beneath the façade, but when she learns of his double-dealing her heart can’t take the betrayal.

In this take on the Sabrina story, can deception lead to love?

Goodreads | AmazoniBooksNook | Kobo |GooglePlay

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~Excerpt~

“The party is tonight. You should come.”

Emory’s spirits flew. All her teenage fantasies about attending one of the Croft events burst into an explosion of light. Excitement shot through her entire body. Ryder Croft invited me, Emory Reese Barrington, to a Croft party.

Jeez, quit acting like a child. She shouldn’t be impressed. She’d been to lots of fancy parties in Spain. She was a special guest at a Vizconde’s party. Her thoughts soured. One of many of his special guests.

You’re inviting me to your sister’s wedding reception? Isn’t it too late to RSVP?” Except he wasn’t inviting Emory, he didn’t know who he spoke to.

“There will be hundreds. One more person won’t be noticed.” He took her hand and rubbed his thumb against her skin. “We could dance.”

This should be where she swooned. Clutching the coat tighter between her hands, she imagined holding Ryder in her arms while they danced, of him walking her through their elaborate gardens as he’d done with other girls, of him kissing her.

Ryder would be disappointed when he found out her name. For now, for this one moment in time, she could feel special. “I’d love to.”

“Great.” An uneasiness slid into his gaze, and she wondered if he was picturing the woman he’d planned to propose to. He opened the trunk, taking out her suitcase.

“Hello, Emory.” An even deeper, masculine voice rumbled.

Her heart leapt to her throat, blocking the passage of air. She pivoted around at the greeting. Her fantasy to pretend for a little while longer died by two words from the frightening, older brother. She’d hoped Ryder wouldn’t learn who she was until tonight at the party. When she was dressed up and looking her best.

It was too late now. “Hello, Jackson.”

Wearing a suit and tie on a Saturday afternoon, he strolled from his boring sedan parked ahead of them. His brown hair had been slicked back from his forehead in perfect grooming. A couple of new lines had formed on his forehead. Only a year older than Ryder, he acted at least five years older. Because he never had fun, his only interest being the family business.

“Emory?” Ryder raised his brown eyebrows into high arches. He hadn’t guessed who she was after spending thirty minutes in her company.

Her flying spirits took a dive and crashed to the ground. Had she been so unnoticeable as a kid? Jackson had recognized her immediately.

He signed off on a clipboard a worker gave him, barely glancing at her. “How was Barcelona?”

She angled her chin, surprised he remembered where she’d gone, and that she’d been gone at all. Their paths didn’t cross frequently in the past, on purpose. She’d avoided him and his overbearing attitude. “Good.”

The work experience had been great. The personal life, not so much. She wasn’t going to go into detail. Not with Jackson.

“Emory?” Ryder’s jaw dropped.

“Your mother is going to be glad you’re home.” Jackson considered her and his brother. His expression went quizzical. “Good to see you,” he said, before heading up the stairs and through the front door.

“Emory?” Ryder shook his head trying to get her name straight.

Her shoulders dropped farther every time he said her name. Her fantasy had ended sooner than expected. “I suppose your invitation to the party has been withdrawn, now you know who I am.”

“No.” He shook his head again. “No. Of course not.”

She raised her brows. “Are you sure? Do you want to dance with the housekeeper’s daughter?”

He waved a hand in front of his face, and his expression cleared. He assessed her shape. “This is the twenty-first century.”

She squirmed with misgiving. Not really an answer to her question.

~~~

~Author Bio~

Allie Burton has always been a reader and writer. She wrote her first novel at the age of twelve when she was stranded at a hospital by a snowstorm. Receiving her first romance from her grandmother, she fell in love with the genre. As an adult, she read young adult books with her own teens and was excited to find something fresh and new. Now, she writes both.

Having so many jobs as a teen and adult became great research material for the stories she writes. She has been everything from a bike police officer to a professional mascot escort to an advertising executive. She has lived on three continents and in four states and has studied art, fashion design, and marine biology.

Allie is a member of the Society of Children’s Book Writers & Illustrators and Romance Writers of America. She loves to ski, golf, and run. Currently, she lives in Colorado with her husband and two children.

WebsiteGoodreads | Facebook | Twitter

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~Giveaway~

Blitz-wide giveaway (INTL)
~$20 Amazon gift card~
a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Book Blitz ~ The Night Realm by Annette Marie


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The Night Realm by Annette Marie

(Spell Weaver #1)

Published by: Dark Owl Fantasy Inc.

Publication date: October 20th 2017

Genres: Adult, Urban Fantasy

Clio would love nothing more than to go home. But as the illegitimate daughter of the nymph king, she’s stuck in the human world, exiled until she can earn a place in the royal family. Then her half-bother offers her a chance to prove herself. All she has to do is acquire some magic … by stealing it from the most dangerous spell weavers in the Underworld.

Lyre prefers to go unnoticed, which is a tricky objective for an incubus. He can’t hide his looks or his coveted spell weaving skills, but he’s learned to mask his true intentions. As an unwilling pawn of the tyrannical Hades family, he stays alive by keeping one step ahead of his masters.

Now he’s been assigned to watch over a visitor from the Overworld—one who’s definitely hiding something. And with her unholy talent for triggering chaos and catastrophe, his job just keeps getting more perilous. Clearly, she’ll never survive this world.

The thing is, he’s no longer sure he can survive it either.

Goodreads | Amazon

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~Excerpt~

As she stepped up to the last rack of shelves, she realized she hadn’t quite reached the end of the room. Tucked beyond the last shelf was another door—solid steel with no visible handle or lock. A web of magic crisscrossed the metal and complex runes filled four overlapping circles that shifted in a spiraling pattern.

She raised her fingers, keeping a safe several inches between her skin and the steel, and traced a glowing circle. That. She’d never seen anything quite like that before, but she knew it would react to touch. How it would react was another matter.

Intrigued, she leaned in closer, peering intently at the weaving’s underlayers as she tried to work out what it did.

“Don’t touch that.”

Lyre’s voice shattered the silence right behind her. A squeak of fright escaped her as she jerked backward from the door. But, with her sudden movement, her hand went the wrong way. And her fingers, already so close to the door, slapped against the metal.

She cringed in terror, fully expecting the door to explode or her bones to melt or her skull to burst open. Nothing happened—until she tried to pull her hand away.

It was stuck.

She yanked on her hand, but it was fused to the metal as though her skin had been superglued in place.

“I told you not to touch it.”

She shot a glare at Lyre, standing two paces away. “I wouldn’t have touched it if you hadn’t startled me!”

He tucked his binder under his arm and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Why would you touch anything in here without permission?”

“I told you—” She bit off the words. “Unkey the spell.”

“Hmm.” He rocked back on his heels and a downright evil little smirk curved his lips. “Not sure I know how.”

“What?”

“That lovely bit of work predates me. It’s pretty complicated. Since you fancy yourself a spell expert, if you look here, you’ll see—”

He started to point, and she had no idea why, but she flinched back as though he might hit her. Her elbow bumped the door—and got stuck too.

Lyre’s hand paused. “Now look what you did.”

“I didn’t—you—get me off this!”

“As I was saying, you can see here that the weaving amalgamates anything that touches it, so it’s embedded into your skin now—”

“Get me off this door!” She jerked helplessly, her immobilized wrist and elbow twisting awkwardly.

“Well, I could pull you off, but you might lose some skin. Though, since the weaving is spreading into your flesh the longer you stand there, you might leave more than skin behind.”

Her heart kicked up to a full gallop from her growing terror. He, however, seemed perfectly calm. Amused, in fact. Humor danced in his amber eyes, softening the color to something closer to buttery gold.

He was laughing at her.

“Oh.” His eyebrows rose. “That’s quite the scowl.”

She gritted her teeth. “Get. Me. Off.”

Those irresistible lips curved up and her stomach dropped to her feet. The air heated. Why was she suddenly kind of dizzy? Shadows slid through his eyes, dimming the amber to shimmering bronze.

“Get you off?” he repeated, and his tones were all purring honey, warm and deep and sensual. “With pleasure.”

A hot blush swooped through her cheeks as she realized what she’d said. “I—I didn’t mean—I was—”

In a panic, she lurched away from him—right into the spelled door.

~~~

~Author Bio~

Annette Marie is the author of the Amazon best-selling Steel & Stone series, which includes Goodreads Choice Award nominee Yield the Night, and fantasy trilogy Red Winter. Her first love is fantasy, but fast- paced urban fantasy and tantalizing forbidden romances are her guilty pleasures. She lives in the frozen winter wasteland of Alberta, Canada (okay, it’s not quite that bad) with her comparatively sensible husband and their furry minion of darkness—sorry, cat—Caesar. When not writing, she can be found elbow-deep in one art project or another while blissfully ignoring all adult responsibilities.

Website | Goodreads | Facebook | Twitter | Amazon

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~Giveaway~

Blitz-wide giveaway (INTL)

~3x $10 Amazon gift cards

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Book Blitz ~ Other Worlds: A Limited Edition Collection


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Other Worlds: A Limited Edition Collection of Science Fiction Romance and Paranormal Romance

Publication date: October 17th 2017

Genres: Adult, Paranormal, Romance, Science Fiction

Journey into a multiverse beyond the boundaries of your imagination…

21 award-winning and best-selling authors bring you the best of PARANORMAL and SCI-FI ROMANCE in this enticing boxed set of exclusive epic adventures.

Rogue spaceship captains, dark vampire lords, supernatural hunters, crafty hackers, uncompromising alien alphas, fearless shifters, and MORE await in this highly sought-after collection including BRAND NEW romantic, otherworldly tales!

Step into OTHER WORLDS as these fresh voices of SFR and PNR take you on a journey to immortal realms and extraterrestrial territories where your imagination takes flight and fantasies come to life.

PreOrder now to secure YOUR copy of this limited edition Sci-Fi Romance and Paranormal Romance collection!

INCLUDING STORIES FROM…

Allyson Lindt

Award-Winning author, A.D. Trosper

Cheri Schmidt and Tristan Hunt

Akaria Gale

Award-Winning author, R. A. Steffan

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Award-Winning author, Amy L Gale

Shawnee Small

K. R. Fajardo

Award-Winning author, Lea Kirk

Mychal Daniels

Laura Hysell

Shawna Romkey

Elizabeth Ryder

E.A. Weston

Award-Winning author, Lindsay Avalon

LaVerne Thompson

Starla Night

Jayne Fury

Isadora Brown

Goodreads | Amazon | Barnes & Noble | iBooks | Kobo | Google Play

Grab yours today for only 99¢!

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Facebook Party & weekly prizes ~ From now until October 23 we are giving away weekly gift cards, ebooks, and other swag in the Other Worlds Facebook Party.

Check out Other Worlds online:

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Website | Facebook | Instagram

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~Giveaway~ 

Blitz-wide giveaway (INTL)

~$100 Amazon Gift Card

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Book Blitz ~ Just Friends by Elizabeth Grey: Excerpt + Giveaway!


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Just Friends by Elizabeth Grey

(The Agency, #1)

Publication date: September 15th 2017

Genres: Adult, Comedy, Romance

Why did her heart have to choose him?

Violet Archer has her dream job at one of London’s top advertising agencies, and the fact she gets to work with Ethan Fraser every day makes it even better. He’s the best friend a girl could have. And she’s never even noticed how hot he is. Nope. Definitely not.

When a big night out deteriorates into a great big mess, Violet’s world starts to wobble like a drunk giraffe on stilts. She’s caught in a web of secrets, none of which are hers. And maybe she is starting to notice how hot Ethan is, after all. And sweet and kind and… oh dear.

Has Violet fallen for her best friend? Can their friendship survive yet another secret? And, the question Violet is most scared to ask, could Ethan have feelings for her too?

This raunchy, hilarious rom-com is the first in The Agency series by Elizabeth Grey.

Goodreads | Amazon

~~~

~Excerpt~ 

IT’S ONLY TAKEN THREE MONTHS, two weeks and five days, but here I am – in Stuart Inman’s Notting Hill bedroom, wearing underwear that screams ‘sex goddess’ and a spray tan that shrieks ‘never again!’

Thankfully Stuart is too busy burying his head in my cleavage to notice my tangerine armpits and stripy inner thighs. He’s also groaning and purring and nuzzling and . . . okay, I’m not really sure what he’s doing down there, but I hope he tries another move soon. I can think of much better things I’d like him to do to my boobs than use them as a pair of earmuffs.

Ah, good, he’s heading north now. I look into his deep blue eyes and remind myself why I’m here. Stuart Inman is hot. Think Matt Damon in an action movie: all blonde and ripped and gun-toting. Matt Damon, that is, with the gun-toting. Not Stuart. The only thing Stuart totes is a rather feminine Burberry man-bag.

He backs me up against his bedroom wall and I run my fingers over the taut muscles of his fabulous chest. Then I feel his lips brush against mine, his tongue darting in and . . . oh, sweet Jesus, what the . . . ?

Breathe. Close your eyes, think of England and for heaven’s sake, just breathe . . .

What in the name of all things holy was that? If it was supposed to be a kiss, then please don’t let him kiss me again. Talk about disappointing. Has he been practising his make-out skills with a bathroom sponge? I’ve kissed a few men in my life, and most of them have been far less confident, successful and drop-dead gorgeous than Stuart Inman, so how is it possible that he kisses like a half-starved pufferfish devouring a shrimp? Ugh . . . no. Just no.

I run my fingers over his abs, trying to avoid his hungry mouth. So what if he’s a crap kisser? We can work on the finer details later. The important thing right now is sex is happening – my eight-month-long drought is coming to an end and my velvet-touch, thirty-function, silicone Raunchy Rabbit can hop off into the sunset and do one.

His hands move over my body as he lowers me onto his bed. I look into his eyes, his cheeks dimpling as he smiles seductively. I should be kissing him, feeling him, touching him until we’re both sweaty and panting for more, but my stupid brain decides to torture me instead: Stuart kisses like a pufferfish. Stuart kisses like a pufferfish. Stuart kisses like a pufferfish . . . and . . . oh no, he’s nuzzling my boobs again . . . and oh my god! What the hell was that? Why are his pants stuck to my stomach? Oh shit, he has, hasn’t he? He’s shot his load. He rolls onto his back with a thump. “I’m sorry . . .” he whimpers.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Where’s my Matt Damon action hero gone? Why does the fittest client I’ve ever worked with have less knob control than a horny teenager who’s just discovered Pornhub? What did I do to piss off the gods of shagging this time? Could life be any more bloody unfair? Come back, my beloved Raunchy Rabbit, I miss you already.

He turns to face me, but I don’t want to look at him. Yes, I’ll admit, I’m a coward. I can’t think of anything good to say, which, given words are my livelihood, is pretty pathetic.

“You’re just so hot. I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it.” He removes his sticky pants to reveal an appendage that could accurately be compared to a half-eaten Walnut Whip – sad, shrivelled and hollow. He crosses his legs in an attempt to hide his shame, and sadly, it doesn’t take much to hide it. How on earth didn’t I notice that before? I usually check out a guy’s bulge before I commit, don’t I? Jeez, this must be the most desperate for sex I’ve ever been in my entire life.

“It’s okay. Maybe next time?” I say, with the kind of insincere politeness a politician would be proud of.

“I can still go on. Just give me a minute,” he says with an enthusiastic tug to his manhood, and my stomach lurches. Do I want to have sex with a Matt Damon lookalike if he’s only packing a chipolata and kisses like a pufferfish sucking on a sponge?

Ten seconds later, he’s sliding his hand into my knickers and frantically rubbing away at what I’m sure he thinks is my clitoris, but of course, it isn’t. The gods of shagging wouldn’t be that merciful. I simulate a few polite moans and consider following through with a fake orgasm, but as he’s jabbing the inside of my leg with the elbow of the hand that’s futilely attempting to transform the chipolata into a frankfurter, I can’t take it anymore.

Mission abort! Mission abort!

“Okay, stop. Just stop,” I say as I squirm out of his grasp.

He removes his hand from inside my underwear and frowns at me. “What’s up?”

“Um . . . that’s not really doing much for me. Sorry.”

“What do you mean? What’s wrong with you? I always get girls off doing that.”

I feel my eyes pop. “Really?”

“Yeah, really,” he replies with an eye roll and way too much attitude. All of a sudden I have too many words, but as none of them are kind, I swallow them down and start putting my clothes back on.

Stuart tuts, gets up and pulls on a robe. I leave his apartment as fast as I can and head towards Holland Park Tube, flagging the first taxi I see on the way.

~~~

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~Author Bio~

Elizabeth Grey spent a sizable chunk of her childhood in North East England locked away in her bedroom creating characters and writing stories. Isn’t that how all writers start?

Following a five year university education that combined such wide-ranging subjects as fine art, administration, law, economics, graphic design and French, Elizabeth entered the business world as a marketing assistant before moving into operations management.

Marrying Chris in 2007, Elizabeth now has three young children and runs a small, seasonal business selling imported European children’s toys and goods – http://www.tildaandtom.co.uk. During her time as a stay-at-home mum, Elizabeth rekindled her love of writing and thinks herself lucky every day that she is now able to write full time.

When not working, Elizabeth finds herself immersed in her kids’ hobbies and has acquired an impressive knowledge of Harry Potter (thanks to the big boy), Star Wars (thanks to the little boy) and Barbie (thanks to her daughter). She loves European road-trips, binge-watching Netflix series and doing whatever she can to fight for a nicer world.

She’s been told she never loses an argument.

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~Giveaway~

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